yikes

EEK! It's been almost a week since my last post. Dear non-reader, I apologize for the delay.

Today I am off from work, and I actually slept. It was insanely lovely. Of course, I also went to bed around 9pm, haha. MRNO joked this morning that he could tell I was tired last night because I came in, grunted, and went to sleep. For my part, I swear that I actually said "good night", but it's entirely possible that I didn't, haha. I was as exhausted as hell yesterday. I felt ready to pass out for most of the day.

Having volunteered/worked in the non-profit sector for several years, I've done more than my fair share of mailings. A friend of mine is bringing over a mailing that she's been working on and I'm hopefully going to get it squared away for her. I think she's bringing 500 pieces or so, which is a relatively small amount of work. After that, I'm off to finish my Christmas shopping. Er... okay, *begin* my Christmas shopping. yikes.

My family/friends back home in Oregon will have to wait until I'm home to receive their gifts as I haven't a) actually bought them yet and b) er.. well, yeah, that's actually about it.

My dad just called me! :) Exciting. :) That always makes me smile.

I hope that you're all getting ready for a WONDERFUL Christmas! :)

Don't Stop Believing

...she took the midnight train going annnyyyyywhere....

er.. hello.

sorry about that. Just singing a little bit. :)

Today had good parts and bad parts. I dearly love MRNO and his best friend MRBFF. She and I are super good friends as well. Unfortunately, she was really sick today, and drama ensued. I'm not entirely sure how to describe what happened, and I really don't think that it's my place to do so, but regardless, I felt pretty badly about how things went down.

For now, I'm off to have a glass of wine-- yay for birthday gifts!-- and make a cheesecake for a Christmas party tomorrow. I'm also responsible for the "punch" at the party, so I shall be going booze-shopping tomorrow. woohoo! haha

I'm really not a lush. Really. I talk about it alot, because it's kind of a taboo topic in my family, so any mention of alcohol is rarely made in my day to day life with people back home.

Beautiful days!

Happy Birthday... What have you done that matters?

So... in case you couldn't figure it out... today is my birthday.

I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. My boss and a few coworkers know that it's my birthday. My sisters and a couple friends from back home remembered, which was really sweet. My best friends forgot, haha.. big surprise there. My roommate doesn't know it's my birthday, and I'm really hoping that the day can just pass on by. The idea that I'm somehow putting someone out or making them have to think of me puts me in an uncomfortable position. So.. I sit back and watch the world go by. This is why I have no life, haha.

I did alot of reflecting today about my favorite birthday--- my 15th to be exact, and the last birthday I had with my mom.

Mama and Dad and I went to a tea parlor, and than out to my favorite restaurant-- Sweet Tomatoes. An AMAZING little buffet that serves healthy (and crazily yummy) food.

Today has been nice. I got a blender and a bottle of wine. :) Not to mention numerous gift cards(woohoo!). I need to go continue filing, but I felt the need to complete this post.

I hope that ALL of your days are beautiful. :)

In Search of Humanity

It would be nice to make a real connection with someone. I always wanted to be the person who knew the people who worked at the corner market-- who was known by name by the Chinese food delivery guy. The girl who would ask the gas station attendent about his family.

Instead, I slip by quietly, not remembered the next day.

Last night was interesting. At the hotel I work at there were some folks having a big party with a dance floor, and my group was invited to come over and hang out. I don't know what it is, but I cannot dance in front of people. Sure, give me enough to drink, and I'll be out ont he dance floor, but even then, I'l only be there for a few minutes before going back to my seat. As long as other people are having a good time, I'm completely content to sit and read. But I get seriously stressed at the thought of being on the dance floor in front of others. So, I snuck out when my friends were talking and sat down outside to read, pleased to be away from the awkwardness.

There are few things in life that I positively cannot stand, but standing around awkwardly is one of them. I have serious issues when it comes to that, and I'm not entirely sure why. I just freeze up, and have to leave the situtation. I wasn't trying to get attention, I just seriously wanted to be left alone. I LOVE to dance, but if I'm in front of other people as I was last night, the thought of being in that room left me slightly freaking out. I don't know how to dance well, and putting myself on display like that feels completely humiliating.

Three of my friends came out to find me and try to get me and that humiliated me further, because I felt as though they weren't having a good time because they were thinking about me. And, honestly, I'm used to not being remembered by people. I'm perfectly content to sit back and be behind the scenes making sure that everyone else is taken care of. As long as they're happy, I'm fine.

They insisted that they were going to leave if I didn't come out, so I came for one song, and just freaked. And instead of just letting me be, they insisted that I actually dance. And when I stood to the side, they decided they would actually dance next to me. I was so relieved when one of my friends realized how truly stressed I was, and said it was fine if I wanted to leave.

I honestly DO love to dance. But something about dancing on a dance floor like that triggers something in my brain that is not happy. At all. I have gone out dancing before, but it's not my idea of a great time. Hopefully one day someone will actually teach me how to not look like a complete fool.

I'm so tired of feeling awkward and inferior. Damn lack of self-confidence. About just about anything. haha. I MUCH prefer to be behind the scenes making sure that everything is going smoothly.

Regardless, I need to stop venting about this, and start cleaning my kitchen. MRNO has promised to make stew. yay!! Hopefully when he gets home the kitchen will be more usable for him.

Haha... .looking at what I had titled this post, I realize that this particular post was supposed to be about something else entirely. Maybe one day I'll actually broach that topic. In the meantime....

Happy Sunday! Happy thoughts. :)

EVIDENCE FOUND OF LIFE

My life, that is. Heh.

Tomorrow morning(Dear Lord, why did I make plans for Saturday morning???) I have a modeling gig! Excitement abounds. :)

Today was not nearly as productive at work as it needed to be, to the point that I'm considering coming in on Sunday. No. No. No. I REFUSE to come in on Sunday.... on the other hand, if I don't get more work done before my boss gets in on Sunday, he may very well rethink his generous offer of extra time off for Christmas this year. Yipes.

Staying late today, it is. woohoo!

After I finish this post, I'm looking at another hour, tops, and then it's off to do Christmas/birthday/modeling shoot shopping. :)

I'm doing a "faces" shoot with the photographer, so I need some interesting scarves or some such item. We'll see what I can find.

Oh! Full Kee in Chinatown-- excellent eats! I *highly* recommend their crab rangoon. It. Is. TASTY.

I mentioned above that I need to do some birthday shopping-- next Monday I'm heading to a birthday dinner, as well as a birthday lunch. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if either of these occaisons are intended as a gift exchange(as it's my birthday as well) but I'll be damned if I'm caught off guard by such a thing.

*sigh*

Time to finish this post and continue working. Time to plow through and get much accomplished. Time to sign off!

In search of sleep..

Once again, I overslept. Of course, that implies that I actually slept at all, which is a bit of an overstatement.

*sigh* back on sleeping medicine for me. I need to actually go to bed, go to sleep, and be rested in the morning. I haven't had a good nights sleep since long before the election.

$4 Wine

After an evening of discussing with MRNO the possibility of revamping the kitchen to better suit our needs, he decided the evening called for a glass of wine. Being the wine connoisseurs we are, we chose to check out the vast wine selection at CVS. And being the cheap, yet adventurous bastards we are, we opted for the $4 bottle. As MRNO said, it was.... enthusiastic.

We sat for a bit and discussed what we want to do with the space. I talked a little about a new project idea I'm pitching at work. We spoke about the vision for the little house we're renting, and how we both love the fixer-upper aspect but wish we owned it. He told me how we can fix the stairs to be to our liking, and we generally had a lovely evening sorting things out.

My sister, who's not at all sold on the "moving in with a guy" thing, isn't terribly pleased that I'm living with him. I told MRNO that I can assure her that "it's okay, when he buys me alcohol, it's the good stuff". He promised that next time, he'll ply me with expensive wine. Considering our lack of romantic interest, (not to mention my morals) him attempting to "ply" me isn't in the near future. Sleeping with my roommate is not something I'm interested in- though I'll fully admit that the man is amazing eye candy.

For now, I'm off to bed to try and catch some z's. I seriously felt narcolyptic this morning-- I woke up to my alarm, sat up, and woke up thirty minutes later. I've also been having seriously vivid dreams. And despite the anonymity of this blog, I'll refrain from going into detail. XD

Have a beautiful night, all.